Dec 2, 2009

Gift of Hope

{ The Gift of Hope }
watercolor | 2009

Every piece of work has a journey within it, a story to share, and this one is not the exception to the rule. Asked to draw then paint Christ, a blessing all it's own, also brings a rawness one might find in a prayer walk or staring contest in a mirror. God revealed a lot to me through this process.

I was going through a very difficult time emotionally when I approached the drawing board. Frustrations with myself and what I do day to day, frustrations with God and what I have not been given, and lots of questions about where I should be or what I should be doing. I drew out thumbnails for the piece. I had already known what subject matter was to be included, but had many difficulties with composition. It took me all morning to draw just a few thumbnails. It took me all afternoon to erase the illustration completely from the tracing paper 5 times. 5 TIMES! I was beyond frustrated, mad, and tense! I knew I had to channel this energy, get it out of my system, so I put on some Linkin Park. That helped.

After my body calmed down and my mind wasn't racing I put on some Casting Crowns. Their title song "Lifesong" came up and from there Christ laid His hand on my shoulder and everything flooded out. I surrendered to Him, telling Him I was sorry for yelling at Him, and just took in His love. I cried and cried. The drawing after came beautifully. It was one of those times when you start drawing that you get lost in your line making, aggressive and speedy, yet when you get to the expressions of the piece you slow down and get into a trance of some sort perfecting each mark. Or maybe, that's just me.

Yesterday, as I finished this piece, I ran into similar frustrations. This time Brian was home so I didn't go insane like last time, but once again I lost my cool, went outside and walked, told God this was His piece (with a not so nice tone) and what did He want me to do about solving my scanner problem. Simply and quickly, He said move the piece from the corners (scanner language :P). And believe it not, He's always right.

Lord, thank you for always being here for me, loving me, and providing for me. Thank you for giving me renewed hope every single day and in every matter. Because of you I can rest knowing all will be right and good by your power. Thank you for your gift of grace, you validate my worth to you through your love and Holy Spirit. I pray you use this piece to bring hope to others this Christmas season Lord, and as we celebrate you.

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