For years I have felt clipped down.
Every time I jump to fly I get cut down by my circumstances and emotions.
I have allowed them control of my life...ALL aspects of my life. As an artist this gives me a lot of substance to work with, but it also holds me back. Way back.
I prelude this post with that because I want you to understand where I'm coming from. As a wife to an amazing man (they're rare and I was blessed with one!); a mother to a baby girl who loves to make you laugh and smiles so bright; a homemaker with a solid, strong house we just can't believe is ours; a gift that I truly just adore, drawing truly is my soul; but I've been depressed, unhappy, at my ropes end over and over again, and I'm beyond tired.
I have talked about this before in past posts, it's not a secret that I keep, and I willingly share it because I know I AM NOT ALONE. Especially as a woman. We all suffer greatly with the multitude of responsibilities gifted to us. And I use the word gifted, because I now remind myself "I GET to be his wife, I GET to be her mom, I GET to do what I love for a living!". Wow, amen to that!
Back to what I'm saying...
my point is I'm done trying. I'm finished. Ta ta, bye bye, no more. It's over.
What better time to say that than the beginning of a new year! Here are some highlights of "wow" moments for me about this year:
15 years ago I graduated high school.
I am 33 this year, the same age Jesus was when he sacrificed his life for mine.
My daughter turns one January 28th.
My husband has been supporting us for 5 years.
I am at a place where I know now is the time to just stop. Stop trying to take control, stop making excuses, stop thinking so darn hard about what to do, and instead DO IT. Commit to my life.
Commit to my life.
I want to fly. I realized after years and years, the truth behind why I paint fairies, angels, and mermaids (thank you Kelly
for helping me get there). It's because they are free, or at least symbolize freedom. For a mermaid there is no ground and sky, they roam all of it. For a fairy there is not ground or sky untouched, they grace all of it. Angels can transcend time and realms between earth and heaven. Freedom. Flight. I'm inspired and take a deep breath. Amazing.
I purchased the abilities to have a shop on my website, and the whole site will be changing in the next couple of months. I am so excited to see the support from you, my followers, on Etsy, but to be honest the fees are starting to wear at the income I need to bring in for our family. Plus I will be able to offer so much more on my site, including my book, coloring book, and more. I can't wait!
I also purchased my first e-book, Flying Lessons
, by Kelly Rae Roberts
. I must say, I'm floored by how spot on she is as a teacher and coach. She's very airy, in depth, and in tuned with her creative spirit. I had mentioned her in the past ( read Life Inspired post here
), and how she inspires me....oh buddy does she inspire me. Her words, colors, textures, and how she shares being a seeker of Joy, filled with light, hope, and possibilities. As an artist I truly believe there are those of us who are called to be artisans of light. I KNOW I am one of them. I KNOW who I want to be, deep down inside, just waiting for the permission to FLY.
Her e-book not only helps the business end of things (which she lays it all down and hides no detail from you), she goes deep into facing your fears, finding your inspiration, your passion, your quiet whispering voice just waiting to come out. And then asks you to commit to your creative business. Merging both. Being both. Living with the joy it brings. Loving YOU.
Loving me as ME.
My spiritual path has started this year with a bang of AH HA, it's so much more than the e-book. We found a new church home we are so at peace with, the new messages being given, new tools handed to me, and renewed, meaningful relationships. It's all falling together amongst chaos, and I give all of the credit to Jesus. It's scary to say that in the open because I know what is attached to that in so many ways, on so many levels, but as a former practicing witch, spiritually seeking wanderer, and a highly curious person, it is by his grace I am where I am today. I have to squint to stay focused, but I'm committed. Committed to him and my life.
There is so much more for my business, and to share. Changes are coming visually for the blog (it will most likely be moving) and website, my approach, and you may even see just a tad bit of change in how I paint. Look for it, and let me know what you think. I hope you're just as excited as I am.
Happy New Year everyone!